Everything about work is mean. I tried to spice it up. Hey, listen. Share to iMessage. They’re kids, let them play.” She was like, “what are you doing? I’m done! You got it. Ain’t no women around. Report. He tells me everything. I haven’t got time for this. Certain things I do differently. That’s why you’re always looking for validation. Okay, I got it. Look, it’s always something stupid. I got mad. I’m in the car. You’re gonna kill us both. “Let me tell you something, sucka. Standing up, this is what he did. I was 13. Really, dad? That girl gonna do what she want to do when you’re not around anyway. “Bitch! Kevin Hart. I’m gonna tell you why. My friends was over my house. You ready to get on out of here?” “What the f— Yes. I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t know.” I thought everything was cool. This is exactly what I saw. We start to do the same thing over and over again. I swear to God. Everything is shut down. I’m a different type of parent. I said, “okay, he’s good.” I finished talking, I turn back around to check on my son again, a little boy was grinding on my son’s ass. Now it’s my friend, okay? No! ‘Cause I got a son too, okay? “Take the goddamn food, bitch!” I snapped. Everything. Just listen. I know I’m not perfect. I was gonna film a movie. “What is wrong with— Stop. Hello? Women, you can’t handle it. Then get an attitude with me when I get him out. All right. “What? Your biggest fear is not being fun. “Close your mouth before somebody come up, put their dick in it on the yard.” “What’d he say? This is LeBron. CAPTION. Please please? You don’t know what they’re doing but they’re having a good time. Share to Pinterest. Why didn’t you ring a bell? “No!” I don’t know if I handled my son’s situation right. Reason why? Copy embed to clipboard. Wayne had Thomas on the wall. We’re at dinner. Chill. It’s just a good time. I don’t ask for any of her food. Oh, damn it. ” “Nothing. Too many people know too many different things. People think I’m a bitch. Coming to you straight from the Rialto Square Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home! No, hey, I ain’t gonna take another shot. No need for me to lie. “N-n-no no no. Tell her mind her damn business before I come down there and I beat her ass.” I said, “no, I heard what you said. Look at him. I’m opening up to y’all for a second. He just fuss all day. Three steps. You gonna jeopardize that shit for a street fight? “Not true. It’s just him.” “Well, he must be an octopus. Soon as you leave, there’s so much filth that goes down. That bitch is crazy. Then explain to people what happened. I’m not gonna lie, I don’t have a lot of patience. Little shit annoy you. What the fuck is so funny?! Get in the car! Look at this. Listen, Jack, you ain’t nothing but a piece of cheese without the corners. What does any of that mean? When my uncle talk, this is how he look. No. It’s about to go down. Just drive the car.” That is the only time I’ve ever cussed at Nate. He’s institutionalized, man. * * I’ma beat my dick, I’m gonna beat my dick * * I’ma get it, I’ma get it * * Where the laptop at? I’m gonna show you exactly what he did. Put yourself in my shoes. Somebody grab his head, push his head down so they don’t see him.” When he said that, I was like, “oh shit. I told the bitch, ‘boop. I don’t like it. Remember? Why do you grab the steering wheel while a man is driving? You leave angry— “I’m sick of this, man! Little thug ladder. My grandpop never answered. Let’s be even. Fop fop real quick. I’m gonna tell you why I didn’t get an attitude. I’m gonna talk to him. No, I’ve shot guns before. They talkin’ ’bout— Tonight— No no, bitch. I don’t know. “Let me tell you what she did, baby. Let him train me. I really do. I don’t give a shit. I wish everybody could meet my grandpop. Ain’t nobody getting a cookie.” I shut the whole cookie operation down. Remember? Don’t nobody do shit. I didn’t use it. Full transcript of "Seriously Funny", Kevin Hart's second solo stand-up performance. Look at this. Saturday, March 13th, 2021 8:30 AM. KEVIN Hart has spoken out about his crash for the first time as it was claimed his friend’s “sudden acceleration” caused the “reckless” smash. Boo-ya! “Hey, what’s going on here? No, what you doin’? My baby made an executive decision. “Hey! I think you got up too fast anyway. “Kevin, uncle Richard just got home.” “I’m on the first flight. Right in front of your ma.” Now you gotta sit there with the “she lyin'” face. Reason why I do that? Ummm.” It was weird. Long tittied, no nipple having ass bitch.” The shit was crazy. My brother grabbed me. When his mother’s around I’m gonna have an attitude. I’m at the bar. The reason why? “Get your hands… Off my face.” He was like… He was like… Then they let me go. I plunked her one time. I can admit that. I love you, but I don’t understand you. I just want to make sure that you know that you’re telling me to say the same thing.” “Kevin, if I tell you again I’m gonna smack the shit out of you.” “Okay. Does that make me gay? Good morning. We don’t really give a fuck. Hey, Kevin. I said, “heaven, c’mere. It’s a true statement. Y’all ride ’em. Share to Twitter. “It’s a wrap. Let’s try this.” We’ve got a whole bunch of stuff. You know when you flap it, you got to get that air under it. I get on the school bus. Hey, love button. Out of nowhere all I hear is “I’m sick of this motherfucker, man. of a little boy’s thing on the phone. “Thomas, Thomas, come help.” I look over. My keys. “All right. I’m about to find out whose dick it was. “Look at you. She ever get into a position before you put her in it? Share to iMessage. Now you want a sip of my juice, fuck around, take a double sip, I’m left with a little ass sip ’cause your over-thirsty ass want to take a double sip. You’re like, “whatever. Same thing vice-versa. I knew it. I told him, “you got to relax. Let me tell you why I feel like this, okay? Tells me everything. L-o-l. R-t-o-f-m-a-o. I am an executive administrative assistant, not your assistant. Soon as you get outside, “babe, let me get a sip.” “Uh, bitch, didn’t you just see me buy the juice when I was inside? He said, “what would you do? Kill us both!” “Hey. It’s too much. In front of my friends? Huh-uh.” They start talking about problems in the office. It’s too loud.” Finally I go over it. You know what I did. Next time, look. I saw my dad get knocked out one time. Now my daughter, my daughter’s a different ballgame. Right now got— Before I even get started, shouts out to— — Hey, sugar foot. Hey hey. Your lady will never tell you this. It means a point that you will never go above. Copy link to clipboard. Why would you say that out loud? Get the heel back there, please.” Or y’all do— Or y’all do that shit— Or y’all do that shit where y’all miss a step. Good morning.” She sees me, she was like, “Kevin.” I said, “miss green.” She said, “did you let your mother read the note?” I said, “yes I did.” She said, “well, what did your mother say?” I took a deep breath. When you threaten somebody, they should know what’s about to happen. My daughter got real big bunk beds. We’re readers. That’s the type of shit she do. Shout out to our boy LeBron in the house. I’ve never seen nobody catch their breath from a sneeze. Kevin Hart & Grant Cardone Roy Thomson Hall Toronto, Canada. I was just trying…” It’s too much. My son’s at a birthday party, he’s playing. “I’m sick of your ass. Copy embed to clipboard. You’re a liar. Go upstairs, flip the mattress. You’ll be having sex, she’s like… “You want me to turn over, right? And this time— About an hour. I thought you said you was going to work. But you don’t care ’cause you see red. That’s me being honest. “Babe, let me tell you about this bitch Sabrina at the office today. What’s the worst thing you’ll ever say to a woman? Like fuck everybody in this bitch. “Uh, bitch, you can’t wait till I’m done talking to Jesus before you touch my goddamn plate?” You know how mad that made me? I’ll be there in the morning.” I ain’t seen him in 15 years. You ever see somebody lose a fight and talk like they won? Bet money you catch him. Seven hours later, you’ll bring it back up. I’m done! When you’re around somebody for so long, naturally you start to butt heads. You know the good laughs? You got somebody with you? Sometimes you got to put it on the table, son. You know when kids play, they just play. Every kid. My name’s Kev Hart. Now what? That’s probably a drink. All right, y’all got me up here for a while, all right? Trust me, fellas. It took way too long. How you all feeling? Here. Me and He-Man are out.”. It could’ve been anybody.” My baby made an executive decision. Their unlikely friendship is our story…About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with over 151 million paid memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. Not my baby.” “Thank you.” They all turn into the computers. *” That’s what we do. You don’t want it. You know why? It’s your room. No. She had— It’s a dick on the phone! You know how many times I packed a bag with a toy? Where the laptop at? You put men on too high of a pedestal. He too strict. N. Nas31283. That’s a tantrum. Do you, boo boo. They come up to the door. My first time cussing was ’cause my mom smacked me in front of company. Did you see how I caught her? I hate it. It could have been over. Gun Compartment… She said, “we got monsters, daddy. “N-n-no.” “I got you. Ain’t nobody jumping me?” “No, nobody jumping you. Different levels. This is my impression of a woman breaking down. I’m not gonna lie. My mom beat the shit out of me when I got home. I can’t say nothing. Wait a minute. I can’t see him, but I can hear him. Up top, solid. I’m done! They threw him on me. Recorded live at the Allen Theater, Cleveland, Ohio. I wish everybody could meet my grandpop. Said, “Kevin, come here.” Told me to come to the front of the class. I didn’t know.” Okay, one more, one more. No, get your own juice. A review of comedian Kevin Hart’s new Netflix stand-up special “Irresponsible,” which was filmed months before he stepped down as host of the 2019 Oscars. I like that. Kevin Hart suffered major back injuries after being involved in a car crash (Picture: AP) Comedian Kevin Hart has been injured following a car crash in Malibu, California.. M-t-f-o-m-o-f-o-h-s.” “What did you just say? I’m gonna show you. Everybody look. I’m still in a full-Nelson, but I hear my friends so I feel better. Motivate you, people, make you feel like you could do things you never thought you could do. We was watching “SpongeBob.” Something happened to Patrick. If I’m wrong, sweetie, tell me I’m wrong. I don’t care what he’s talking about. When you threaten somebody, they should know what’s about to happen. That age is coming out. Hurry up before the cops come. Share to iMessage. “It’s yours.” “I ain’t say shit.” “You’re about to. How you doing, sweetie? “I’m running away! I hate the fact, women, that you cannot control your anger. I said, “what happened?” This is what my daughter did. That’s why I’m going to the school.” I said, “yo, I don’t think that’s a good look. Fop fop. We’ve been together too long. When I say that he go, “hot. Come on. I’m waiting on you. I forget stuff. It’s too much pressure. Do the speed limit, please. I don’t like watching my kids by myself— Too much pressure. No! Why?! My son’s at a birthday party, he’s playing. What now? Hey! Huh? You just lay down for a second and let him finish his speech. You ever see a couple that’s newly in love try to share? Because they’re real. You weren’t even thinking about the juice.”. Delete that. I didn’t get mad. That’s what we do. Yeah, whatever. I said, “heaven, c’mere. Have fun. Wayne, my security guard— Wayne got a real big stomach. Relax, man.” He said, “Kev, let me tell you something. This is how I knew Nate was O.G. After he got knocked out, he’s like, “you good? He’s like, “hey! See, I can talk about relationships. ’cause they know he can’t get out the screen door. I pushed him too hard.” I told you I was gonna fuck with you. I saw a lot of stuff goin’ by my face.” “Really? Like fuck everybody in this bitch. I bet you catch him doing nasty shit. Locked up 15 years. Do what you want to do with your kids. Give me the trash. No?” See? Whatever. No. Y’all might do it. ” I thought about it. Just do it.” Out of nowhere, all I heard was, “daddy, you want me to do mine too?” “Hello? Don’t make me laugh though. “A sip of my goddamn juice. I set it down. Backspace. You ever look at your lady’s face? Daddy!” You ever see kids do that shake shit? Kill yourself.” Let me tell you why. It takes up a lot of space. Okay, all right. Talking about people falling. Let you go buy some juice and she’s with you while you buy the juice. I could tell how old he was by the way he cussed at me. What?” “I found a picture of the hot dog without the bun on the phone.” “What are you talking— ” “A tallynackle. But after a while, fellas, we get repetitive. Several Twitter users also called the opener 'tone-deaf'. I’ve got to figure out what happened. He comes on the tour bus, he mad as shit. That’s a long time. Know what I’m scared of? Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube. This is Shaq falling and this is the coach. I need my keys ’cause I got to get in my car. Hot. We don’t know what it means. Shouts out to all y’all with grandparents. You’re having a good time with your boys. It’s Christmas. What is that? Reason why? Sort: Relevant Newest # kevin hart # lol # television # snl # saturday night live # celebs # lol # kevin hart # testing # help me # let me explain # abc # 200 # kevin hart # in the news I get there, my uncle’s in the middle of the living room. You’re with your boys. Stay with your mother.” “No! “Hey hey, look at me. kevin hart 665 GIFs. Real n i g g a s. All day. Fighters. It’s kind of like a relationship. How do I know this? This is true. “No. What do you do when you go down there and get your ass whipped? I wanted to get a little bigger. Hey, look— God damn it. I’m on a weight bench. I’m gonna tell you what pisses me off, ladies. She knew how to get a reaction out of me. He want to go with his dad, but you can’t even take your son with you.” Now I can’t be a piece of shit. Out of nowhere, he came up behind me. That’s Mountain Dew. Same time. I was emotional. “Enjoy your food, babe.” My food comes out. I’m learning. We do a show, we’re at the after party. You ever see how long it take a thug to fight? You got the attitude.” I know women. We’re good readers in my family. My kids are gonna make mistakes. Was that a kid? Okay. Get it. “Oh. We’ll have a good time.” He said, “all right, cool.” I take him to a lounge, right? I’m sick and tired of these motherfucking teachers in this motherfucking school. I know real thugs. When you get mad, y’all see red. Got it. You get the trash out before I get Steve over here, put his damn hands on you again.” “Oh. I’m telling you, y’all. It took him 25 minutes to pull off the other day. What do you say to your kids? People feared my uncle. “Bitch.” There you go. Bet money you snap. Hey. Yeah, I’ll cut it. Whoa! I’m gonna have a lot of stuff to say. Get up.” “I didn’t know. ” “Get the fuck out of my face. Laying down” I said, “why don’t you lick your finger and touch your nipple?” She said, “what?” I said, “shut up. Whipping his ass. Yes he did.” “Are you sure it was him?” “It’s only y’all two out here, dad. ‘scuse me. Do you, boo boo. Everybody straight? I’m watching TV. Once you realize we do dumb shit, we’re dumb sometimes, we’re gonna fuck up— That’s our nature as a man. – Bitch. You laughing at my stretch marks?” “What? Very serious. Never hit nobody in the face before. Takes a lot of patience, man. You gonna jeopardize that shit for a street fight? scared. This is the first time he ever cussed back at me. You ever see those couples that go too far, that’s too much? They tease him. You don’t gotta lie, okay? I had nothing to do with that. He was like, “oh, Kev Hart. I’m gone!” Slam the door. I’m not a good storm-outter, people. Good set. She said, “let me tell you something. I was eating a buffalo wing when it happened. Not a game. Aah! Walk your fat ass inside, you sippin’-juice bastard. Kids be teasin’ him. They’re gonna follow suit. No no no. By the time I realized it wasn’t a wave, it was too late. I probably should eat the whole thing ’cause I’m a diabetic, but no, I just want you to be happy. You wanna go night night, n i g g a?” So now he tries to tackle me. Look look look at this. Okay. She said, “ho! Let me tell you something. I found a picture of a little boy’s, uh, situation on the phone.” I said, “what? I don’t care! “Yeah, whatever. I’m understanding that now. “Say something else to me, I’m gonna go to my car, I’ma pop the trunk on your bitch ass.” That means I’m gonna go to my car, get a gun, come back, shoot this shit up. “Hey, I’m sorry. That was good. If you guys could see how much fun we have when you leave the house and we’re alone— There’s so much fun stuff that happens. She’s like, “dad, can I have a cookie?” I said, “yeah, baby. Come here. Not one woman in this room likes for her man to have a good time when she’s not around. Stand-up comedian Kevin Hart talks about his family, travel and a year full of reckless behavior in front of a live sold-out crowd in London. Copy link to clipboard. © 2021 Scraps from the Loft. I don’t know what I would do if I found a picture of a little boy’s thing on my daughter’s phone. I caught her right there. In the beginning, men, we have to do it. Funny.” And I caught it. Thank you. “Somebody help his ass up. To be honest, I can’t stand when women tell stories. I’m not gonna work out if that’s gonna stay out. You tell her mind her damn business before I come down there and I beat her ass.” Before I come down there and I beat her ass.” I said, “okay. Swear to God. Really, dude? That’s right. By myself! We’re at a restaurant getting ready to eat dinner. Members can watch as much as they want, anytime, anywhere, on any internet-connected screen. I’m serious, I did. Yes! He’s old. Uh, your baby had two eyes for sure, right? Come on.” This is the shit that pissed me off. Do you, boo boo. He fell asleep. Hey! Please, get the— Get the heel. I was eating a buffalo wing when it happened. “Really? Oh God, please.” Holy shit! I didn’t want to know. Y’all wanna do what y’all wanna do. Hey! Share to Facebook. “Come on, man. She knows how to play me and her mom against each other. If me and you get into an argument, it don’t matter what I say, you got to believe me ’cause you don’t know what I’m capable of. Your email address will not be published. He tries to call his security guard back. I have nothing against gay people. You can do it. Thank you. I ain’t never put my hands on my lady. I got suspended and an ass whipping. Why would you tackle me? You want to mess with a man’s pride, his goals. Rock hard. “What the? No, if it is, that’s gotta change. In jail. Be happy, do what you wanna do. I tried to run it off. We got to put on that show so you feel like we care. It’s always bad. No, she didn’t. 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